Memories

We broke up today.

I walked away from her today, feeling a sense of finality. My time with her had come to a close, and it simply seemed too surreal for me. Maybe it was because we didn't end it quite the way I wanted to. Or maybe it was too impersonal for me to really wrap my mind around. But for whatever reason, my heart is suspended as I contemplate the time we'd spent together, and the memories we now share.

It was really a summer affair, I'll admit. Both her and I engaged in the relationship knowing full well that come the change in season, I had to leave. See the fact is, I'm splitting town soon. In the fall, I have to leave my hometown, waving farewell to all the friends, family, and yes even lovers, that I have made. Both of us were well aware that "our" future was bleak and that our destinies would pull us apart. But we still fell into the relationship because we were both desperate with feelings of our own.

My time with her has been brief, but I cherish the moments we've had. I think about all the laughs we've shared, all those hours we've spent together, and even the tense moments in our relationship. Sure, just like everybody, we've had our rocky moments. There were times she would wrong me, and I would righteously feel indignant. But our relationship would always persevere, and we would continue with what we had.

However, the past few weeks have been a period of uneasiness. We know that I'm leaving, yet we're both unsure of when to call it quits. We haven't talked about it in any great lengths. Sure we've mentioned it from time to time, but you know how those things are. We would bring it up and skate around the issue, not wanting to say the words that we know needed to be said. Not wanting to realize in our minds what our heart's have been telling us all along.

The past few weeks, we've finally decided to prepare for the end. We've discussed when we want our relationship to end, but every time we've talked, the sense of awkwardness ruined any salvageable remains of conversation. Unsure of what to do, I thought deep within myself and realized that it was time to make it official.

This morning, I wrote her a letter. In it, I described all the emotion I've felt from day one of our relationship. I told her that I didn't want to leave town right after ending what we had. I needed time to heal and prepare for my journey. I explained to her that we've talked about this day for weeks, and that I needed to finally set a date and make it official. Some may think that I took the cheap way out by breaking up with her over a letter, but I know within my heart of hearts, she would want it that way. I only wish that we could do it face to face and not end this so impersonally.

Only one thing remains. I have only a few days left with her until the day we've agreed to break apart. I feel indescribable. I want to tell her that I'll miss her. I want her to know that she has meant more to me this summer than she'll ever know, but I'm afraid of what she'll say. I feel as if the remaining time we have together will be spent with our hearts elsewhere, looking forward to the loves of the future while letting our relationship slowly fade away.

I never knew it would be this hard to break up with a grocery store.